The depth of perception.

For dinner tonight I swung by Qdoba to grab a burrito after hitting up target. I was eating alone tonight and didn’t really plan to do so. I’d left my laptop at home so catching up on blogs wasn’t going to happen. Sure I could have used my phone but the screen on my Eris is really too small for that. I dug a book out of my trunk that I started on a plane ride to Las Vegas a few weeks ago. I walked inside placed my order and walked down the line to pay. I set my book and phone on the counter while I got my wallet out and handed my card to the cashier. I guess my phone covered up the ‘Cocoa Puffs’ part because the guy said “Sex and Drugs, must be a good book, huh?” it took me a second to process what he was talking about, and I said back, “No, thats not really what it’s about. It’s social commentary.” The cashier asked if it was for school seemed really shocked when I told him it wasn’t. I told him I just thought it would be interesting.

At the time I felt like I really needed to defend the fact that this book wasn’t just smut, and that it had some depth to it. Something worth reading, and something appropriate for a family fast food-ish restaurant. Like it really mattered what this guy who was taking my money really thought about me. I’m sure he picked up on the fact that I didn’t really want anything too healthy on that burrito. I don’t think I could have said “No” quick enough when I was asked if pico was supposed to be on it.  What does it matter if he thinks I read smut, in a public place no less?

It makes me wonder how much we second guess every decision in life. I can’t say that! What would ‘they’ say about it? I can’t mix Piña Colada and Margarita together! No normal person would ever dream up that mix! At the end of the day what does it matter? It’s all perception, and really only part of the story. I suppose some of it is important. After all, pride is a big part of human emotion. In a lot of ways I am glad we care. It’s a good thing people think twice about leaving the house in curlers or how bad of an idea it is to have a beer suicide like we used to mix all the sodas together as kids.

Either way, I sat down, ate my burrito and couldn’t touch my book. It was far too messy of a burrito this round. I’ll try again. Next time.